a breakfast win...

I have an issue with wanting people to love the things that I love. I want to share my favorite music, movies, and restaurants with those I care about and have them immediately see why I would have such attachment and admiration for such things. This is not always the response I get and, try as I might, I do not take well to such dissension. People should just get on board and view things as I do.

I realize that the above logic is flawed and that having people enjoy the same things I do would be boring and redundant, but, a little part of me feels that it is not too much to ask :) An glorious example of this is the fact that my best friend never likes the places I take him for breakfast. Never. (well, like almost never) We have had this exchange over 3-4 of my favorite places in Portland and I have been a bit scared to introduce him to any more potential disappointments.

Enter the impending closure of the Little Red Bicycle Cafe. This place is so near and dear to my heart that an unsatisfactory response by the aforementioned person was something I feared only a little less than him living his entire life without experiencing the wonder that is "The Messenger" breakfast sandwich.

I swallowed my fears and took him to brunch this morning with great results. He loved every part of the meal from the mini pineapple upside down cake to the peanut butter bacon French toast. We were also lucky enough to catch Ali, half of the heart and soul of LRB, at a slow moment and were able to chat. I am so glad that this, of all places, was a win in the bff breakfast column. Hope springs eternal that 1) I have good taste 2) I can be right in this friendship :), and 3) my love affair with this little cafe is a valid one.

heads or tails...

I have had a rough few days and I know others who have a much harder few days than I can imagine. Like Annelle from Steel Magnolias, I have "tried very hard to make heads or tails" of the loss that my good friend is facing. I have read countless messages, fielded phone calls and texts and had conversations with people who are working hard to come to an understanding of how this can happen. We have all been unsuccessful.

The thing I have taken from this is that love is the only thing in this life that matters. The love for those in our lives make things like this survivable. I had to pass that love on from afar and vicariously through my sister and others who promised to hug when my arms were not long enough. I think that the message was translated and I look forward to being there in a few weeks.

if only teleporting were an option...

all i can hold onto...

So much pain and no good reason why
You've cried until the tears run dry
And nothing else can make you understand
The one thing that you held so dear
Is slipping from your hand
And you say
Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say
Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Tho' we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road
Yesterday I thought I'd seen it all
I thought I'd climbed the highest wall
Now I see the learning never ends
And all I know to do is keep on walking
Walking 'round the bend singing
Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can saySomewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Tho' we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road

Amy Grant, Somewhere Down the Road

gone...

If you have read this blog, you would know that it has the tendency to be a bit melancholy and a lot sad. I have tried to keep that from happening with every entry, but, it will be happening with this one. I received the most upsetting news about a friend and her family and it has captured my thoughts, my mood and my mental focus.

Loss of a loved one is something that I have a bit of experience with. I lost my brother and my dad within 14 months of each other and both to tragic accidents. That was tough. I have gotten many pity nods and,"I can't believe that"s, but my dear friend lost her niece and her sister/roommate in the span of a few hours. Hours. That is where my brain shuts down and my heart breaks for her.

This is the girl who came to my side when my dad died because her dad had died suddenly. The first person who was honest and told me that my life would never be the same and that it would suck for a very long time, but not forever. This is also the person who I still call roommate though we have not lived together in years. This is the person who I wish I could hug and let cry and snot on my shoulder.

I feel that if you have been through this hell that you would be given words to say or a grieving how-to. I have no more to say or to do than anyone else. I know a few of the things not to say and that not saying anything is the worst thing I can do, but, I do not have the magic to release her from this. I do know that people have helped me face the unimaginable and that I will be here to help her do the same.

the gift of time...

This past week, I have been reflecting on what things I am able to do because I am not working. My love of Portland has been the topic of this blog in the past, but, this last week I have had a bit of a "frenassance" with some of my favorite places.

On Sunday I was able to head to the coast to bask in the beautiful sunshine and to get some caramel corn. It was the perfect time to walk, read and photo-document. I love that I can get to the coast in an hour and a half and that I have become a huge fan of being at the beach in pants and sleeves. Here is one of the 150 pictures I took while exploring.

the loss of my playlists...

I have, many times, talked about how I am a little obsessed with the passage of time and all things related to the passage of time. I love calendars, remember random dates and anniversaries and keep greeting cards so I can look back at where I was a specific times in my life and compare it to where I am now.

A semi-tangible way of doing this was saving and cataloging all of my playlists from the last 3.5 years. These were either my creations to mark how I was feeling on a certain day or to make some task, usually sweating, less awful. Sprinkled in with these were the playlists that friends, one in particular, had made for me on birthdays, holidays or just hard days that called for a little help. They helped me sleep on planes that would be met with grieving relatives and saved me from a completely melancholy music collection.

Two days ago, my Itunes decided to purge itself of said mixes. Luckily, the music remains intact but arranged only by artist and album. I know that I can (and will) research and rebuild some of these mixes, but some are gone forever. In thinking through this reality, I have decided that it will pose a great challenge to repopulate with things are more current and move on from more of the sad lists that had become a staple. If you are a music sharing person, consider this your call to arms...